1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
