and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
