I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
