Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
