glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
