he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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