Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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