i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
50% drunk capacity currently
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize