smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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