I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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