i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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