I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
