I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize