Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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