I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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