Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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