So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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