i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
