Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
they're like a gay fantastic four
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
