yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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