Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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