Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
