you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
