Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
