we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
