It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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