Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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