There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
