my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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