some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My pussy is not your playground.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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