He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
