I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
