just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
