I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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