it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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