My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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