my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
