I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
