Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize