I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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