I smell stomach acid.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
