I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
