Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
