Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
