did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
