You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
