New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Randomize
