i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
