i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
