Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
