wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
