We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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