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My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
