Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
where am i from again
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize