Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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