tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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