make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
