first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
