You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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