New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
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