I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
