If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
