dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Never joke about your clitoris.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
