She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
