My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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