Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
