I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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