Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
