i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
